Kak Zana will be admit to Hospital today at Raffles Hospital. She might deliver anytime from today. Just hope things will be ok for her. InsyALLAH....

I am 46% evil.




I could go either way. I have sinned quite a bit but I still have a bit of room for error. My life is a tug of war between good and evil.


Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com

I am feeling so so down today. Haiz....


He sms me again yesterday. We even talked after 2 weeks of silence. Half of me was so happy & half of me feeling hurt remembering what had happen between us. Try to forget the past between us but it seems hard. Things have happens no matter what.


Things were completely good in the 1st two months. It went smoothly between us, No major issue at all. We even decide to met each other family by end of this year.


Then came the topic of he wanting to work oversea for at least 2 year or more. I can't accept that. I don't want him to go far from me. The argument went on & on for nearly a month. There were no agreement on both parties. Then he decided that he only go for 2 years. There will be break in between. He would not go 2 years straight but instead at least 6 months each time. Still i can't accept that but after asking for opinions, i open up myself to accept the fact what he wants. This is one of his wishes that he wants to achieve. I told myself at least he did something to settle the problems. So i told him that i agree.


Things were not the same after that. He began to ignore me. He would not do his usual stuffs like sms me or even call me in 1 day. I was really piss off with him. Most of our conversation will end with arguments. He gave reasons that he is busy with work. So i told if he really busy then just sms or call me at the end of the day which is before he went to sleep. He still did not do that. He ignore me most of the time. This again make me really furious. Again most of our conversation ends with argument. Yes most of it i started 1st but i am annoyed that he did not do what i asked for.....Maybe i am too demanding but that is the least things i need him to understand. I did not meet him always, all the time is once in 2 weeks or once in 1 month. So i dont see why he can't do that only for me. I never disturb him during the day as i know he will be very busy. So i wait for him to sms or call me at night. Sometimes i will just call or sms him if i cant wait.


Then came another request. He says that he might need to go to pubs & disko cause he have to bring his clients that. Again i am so shocked that makes me really mad. What is his thinking? Didn't he knows that place is not a good place? I dislike ppl who go there. Yesh if happens my friends go there, i wouldn't say much to that person. I will just say it off straight that i don't like. I asked him which is important me or his clients. If his clients are more important then go ahead do what ever he wants without me in his life. If i am inportant to him, then forget about going such places. I may mean to ask him to do that but i think as a muslim he should know better.


The arguments keep draging n draging for weeks till i can't take it anymore. I told him off that we should spilt as things are not working out between us. And he agreed. So we were spilt right away. But he still sms me after a few days that he is sorry. I told him that no matter what i cant accept his request. If he still think he needs that then dont bother to look for me again. He told me that 40 - 50 % of the reques is just a lie to test me out. What the heck he is trying to do? What is all that for? I just couldn't believe when he says that. I accept him back again hoping things are better now.


Still not ok after that. He did not call or sms me for nearly 2 days. I was really mad at him again. When i call him, all he says that he was waiting for me to call him. I sms him but no reply. I did call him too n he did not answer. So what is he waiting for actually. Haiz...After hearing me really mad, he ask to calm down and says that we are only friends now so it is not a must for him to call or sms. I was totally shocked that i cry all night. I can't accept when he says that. I totally don't understand him at all. Haiz...


I keep myself far from him. I dont sms him or call him after that. Although i am hurt n sad, my feelings towards him still the same. I hate myself to be in this state. Why must i have the same feelings towards him after what had happens. Perhaps love is blind.


He did sms me after that. Even yesterday. We talked and i told him again what i dont like n what is required for him to do. If he still i am too demanding then go away from him. He admit that he miss me so much n still loves me. I told him that no matter how much he miz or luv me, he have to change his lifestyle. He have to accept that he now have a gf who needs attention not just have a gf n not ignore her just like that.


He just sms me to wish me good morning. I dont know how things now. Just see what is his next move. I just lead my usual life as normal without him. Not hoping much from me anymore......

Feeling a bit sleepy today. Wish i could sleep longer...


He sms me back again after nearly 2 weeks of silence. Never expect to see his sms yesterday night. Well he only ask how am i and things. After that he just keep quiet again. Let it be then. This is what he wants....


Have to make time for my aunt n uncle soon. They be calling for the past 2 days to check how am i. I been planning to go over to visit them but always stay up till 7pm at work. No matter what have to find time one of these days....

Alhamdulilah the event was successful. Went over to Hisham's place with Andini. We arrived nearly 1pm. There were Nasi Beryani Dam, Sugi, Cream Puff and a few more... I did not took any pictures of the food. Too shy to take. hehehehehe Everyone was so friendly at Hisham's place. Meet them once before but feels really knew them long. Thanks for the friendly warm welcome for us. :)


Went over to Ernie's place around 2pm by bus. I was in-charge of hodling the big Cake below. hehehehehe Too bad did not get to taste it. hehehehe Went straight home from Ernie's place.




Once again, Congrats to both of you!!! Will look forward to the wedding event in 1 or 1 1/2 years to come. ;)

Girly Girl


What kind of little girl were YOU?
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You represent... angst.
You have an extremely cynical outlook on just about
everything. It's okay to sulk and be
depressed, but life is short, and you only get
one. It's only what you make it, and only you
can make it improve.


What feeling do you represent?
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Your Inner Eye Color Is Brown You're smart, thoughtful, and the ideal woman for most men You are kind and easy to trust. Men open up to you like no one else. It's this inner warmness that attracts guys - and makes you an instant soulmate. What's Your Inner Eye Color? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are Strawberry Ice Cream! What Flavor Ice Cream Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Your Love Life Is Most Like Ghost You loved. You lost. (Even if the person is still around) You'll find another soulmate - once you forget about this one What Movie Is Your Love Life Like? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Guys Like That You're Sensitive And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships! What Do Guys Like About You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Cute Flirt


What Kind of FLIRT are you?
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Sleep late again. Talk to my cousin, Nazrul yesterday night. We talked for an hour. Catch up with whatever things that we been missing out. We did talked the past of what happens between us. Haiz....Still remember those days. It is still fresh. Now i know why most of our childhood pictures were always together. Almost all the pictures taken last time show me n him together. We are always beside each other when taking photos.


I guess our family used to be very close when our grandparents still around. All of us will spent time together. There was a point we were far apart of each other. I never get to met Nazrul when his family shifted to Malaysia. We met up again when our grandfather passed away. Thats where we began to get close again. But then i had a crush on him. That happens when i was 10 years old. Even our parents were quite close. Maybe due to seeing the closeness between us, parents began to get apart. Even us getting apart. We only met once a year after that. The crush was still on going though...


Then happens our aunty, MakRah began closer to his family and we finally get to keep in touch by emails. We will send emails every week and sometimes every 3 - 4 days. There were a lot of discussion, talking about family members, and also getting to know each other in the emails. Without realising anything, i began to like him n even fall in love with him. I will look forward to all his emails. Still remember that time i was in ITE. Will try my best to log in just to check his emails....


My brother, Zaki gets married and this is the time where we get really really close. Everywhere i go, he is there beside me & everywhere he go, i am there beside him. He accompany me all the whole 2 days. I did not sleep on Saturday's night as was helping my aunt with the cooking and he also help out. When he knew i did not eat the whole day on Sunday, he also did not eat. He was waiting for me so that we can have out meals together. Some of our relatives realise our closeness n some even thought we were couple. Could see that my parents dont really like it.


After the wedding, he stay at MakRah's place for a week. During that week, we talked to each other every day n even met up every day. I can still remember our 1st date. It was our 1st outing together. Only 2 of us. We used to go out in a group never in a couple. That's where we get to know that both of us have feelings towards each other. He also had a crush on me on the day we met up again which was during my grandfather passed away. By then both of us were 20 years old. It took us 10 years to know all about this. Haiz...He met me up for Lunch at my work place n even took me home....My aunty began to sense something by then. He broke the news and she was so surprise with it....


At 1st she was so encouraging n even told both of us to continue the relationship but realising what will be our family's reaction, she discourage us. Futhermore, both of us have someone at that time. He has gf n i have bf. We were told not to met up or even talked to each other. But we can't. No matter how we try, we still calling each other or even met up. Till now even my aunt do not know that we been talking to each other. We even have been meeting without anyone knows except our siblings. Although he have a gf, even i have bf along the way, our feelings towards each other is still there even till now...


Haiz...I dont know how we will end up. But both of us trying to let the feelings go away. We try to be only cousins not more than that. Just hope that we manage to do that...Like MakRah told us, Dont make things worst between our family or even hurt other ppl feelings....

I am feeling so so low today....I cry again before i went to sleep. Haiz...Too sad n depressing......:( :( :(

My colleague had been deployed for up to 3 months to help other Keppel company in Belgium. She will helping out the finance department there. Isnt that good? I wish i could do that too. Well hope it happens to me....I think i need that....


Looks like the next few days will be packed with some activities. I am doing some jewellery for a few ppl. Need to rush them out as i need to give them by this weekends. Haiz....Last minute request so have to catch with it soon.


Still have not buy Maimunah any gift yet. Looks like it will be a belated gift for her then. I think i shall buy her the Baju Kurung only instead of other stuffs. Hers is this Saturday while Aeisyah's is on Sunday. Still have not buy her anything yet too. Looks like saturday morning have to rush out to buy the gifts for both of them...

Sleep quite early yesterday. I think around 9.30pm i fall asleep after reading the CLEO magazine that my sista brought. Kak Tini was asking what to buy for my sista, Maimunah. I do not know yet. Aeisyah birthday is coming too. Have not decide what to buy too. Haiz....Both birthday are this weekends. And till now i have not decided what to buy....

I am fasting again today with Andini. Both of us did not wake up for "Sahur". So i told Andini if she can't hold on till evening just break the fast. For myself too i am not sure if i can hold on to evening. Just hope that i can then. InsyALLAH....


Spent the day at home the whole day yesterday. Upload the pictures n do some clearing on the folders at the PC at home. Thought of jogging yesterday evening but it rain heavily. So i just stick at home sitting in front of the PC doing my stuffs. I shall start my revision soon. My exams are coming in 2 months time.


My mum just remind me about Mainmunah, Aeisyah & Bro Zaidi's bithrdays. This weekends will be the 2 girls while my brother will be next Thursday. Have not decide what to buy for them. hmmm Shall start thinking about it soon....

I manage to upload all the pictures that i took for a few activities. Below are the links....


Snow City


Aeisyah


Tanjung Pinang

I realise i am feeling so lonely lately. Haiz...


Dad call me up yesterday noon just to talk whether i have someone in my life. Looks like both my parents earger to know who. I told him i have no one and don't want to think all this yet. He seems a bit surprise but he say that as my aga is getting older, he knows that surely i have one. He ask me to introduce him to the family if i really have someone. Whats with him anyway asking all this? I think they are really eager to know because my gal cousin is getting engaged next week. So does that mean i also have to be engaged like her? Haiz....Just hope my parents will not ask anything about this anymore. I am tired to have any relationship for now... Too much painful n hurts...........

I have to take leave soon or i will break down anytime. Haiz...But dont know when is the best time. Work is always packed. A lot of things needs to be done. Dont feel like leaving my colleague Eric to do all the job. He himself is pack with other stuff. Well i think i should think more about myself than others. The earliest is end of the month and the latest is early of next month then. Haiz....


It seems that time flies too fast for me. Next thing i knew is brand new day. Even at night i feels that time flies really really fast. I realise i sleep only for a few hours. I dont know when i will have a good sleep. Haiz....


Weekends is here. So soon. I am looking forward especially for my Jewellery Making class tomorrow. I have sold 2 bracelets to my colleague. Blue & Pink in colour. I try to took the pictures but it seems i can't took it. The picture seems a bit blur. Well will try harder to make it look nicer.

Could not sleep again yesterday...Haiz...I realise i did not been having a good sleep lately. My body is feeling tired n aching too. Usually i will spent half the day sleeping during the weekends. But now it seems that every weekends is busy. Saturday is busy with class then Sunday is full of invitations of weddings, engagement n etc. So no time to follow up with my sleep. I try to get a good sleep but seems failed each time i do that. To much thinking i guess. Next few weekends is pack with the same activity again. Haiz....Looks like it will be like this all the way to "Puasa" month.

Half the day was spent on shopping. hehehehhee Went to Chinatown to search for the beads. We brought a lot of stuffs. Spent nearly $120 for the beads n some other stuffs. Really really shock. Luckily for me i have an order from my colleague for 2 bracelets. :) :) :) Will take the pictures once it is done. I have to finish up the order by Friday the latest. I have today n tomorrow to finish up. Luckily it is quite simple job. :)


Had Lunch at KFC at Chinatown. Then we head to Plaza Singapura to go window shopping there. We even went to Carrefour. Ct1 brought some baby stuffs. After that we stop at OG at Orchard. :) We do window shopping and had a break after that at Macdonald to have Milo n Tea. A great day to relax. Window shopping n thinking nothing about work. :)


Luckily not much issue yesterday. But i did check with Hafiedzah when it was nearly 6pm yesterday. She claim no issue. Luckily for her that not much thing yesterday.

Will be taking half day today. Will met Ct1 today. We will be going to Chinatown. She wanna shop for her beads. :) So by noon i will be gone from here. I need a slight break futhermore.


Yesterday was quite busy as my colleague eric on urgent leave. So a lot of his stuff i am doing a following up. Good thing most of them are half wat done. Next week, there will be some training again. I will be doing it again. Haiz...Still having the probia of standing n talking in front of a few ppl.

For the 1st time i sleep while on the way to work this morning. Usually i will just play games from my hp or just look outside the windows. But today i am totally sleepy that i sleep. Nearly miss my bustop.


Yesterday was spend at the wedding at Simei. After half the day, Farij & Ana went home early. Left me, Andini & my parents of course. In the end, both me & Andini play with the small kids. It is a good to spend time with the kids rather than the adults....


Bro Zaidi & Kak Zana came over to the house after the wedding. They stay till 10.30pm n thats when i decide to go to sleep straight. But still feeling so sleepy...


My colleague is on Urgent leave today. Looks like a lot of work today. Hmmm It will be good as this will make me less sleepy....

Met Supinah yesterday night at Long john Bedok. Had dinner n "lepak" till 9.30pm to have a chat. Neely suppose to join us but she have something on at last minute. It been a while i met her n talk things out.


Had class as usual. Ct1 did not come again. She is sick. Hope she getting better soon.


Suppose to met Nelly n Supinah again. In the end Nelly cant make it again. As plan earlier, we went to Ct Hall. Window Shopping for a while. Then we head to Esplande and sat there all the way to night where there are performance by primary school band. It been a while i went there to see the performances. Had BK for dinner then had ice-cream too. Overall i am feeling good today.


I am alone at home for now.....Listening to music. My parents went to help at Rewang. Other siblings went to Masjid. I was home late so i did not go. :)

End of night with crying again. Haiz....I think i cry for nearly 2 hrs....In the end i am tired n sleep....Luckily no one at the room. Maimunah & Andini went for their tuition.


Feels a bit better after crying out yesterday night. But i am still feeling down n dissapointed with everything. Haiz....I learn that sometimes chances were not given a few times. You only have 1 chance n you have to make full use of it. If not you will lose everything that you want or like. Try hard not to think all about this things. My left hand start to aching from my shoulder. My heart has a bit of feeling painful. Maybe too much stress n thinking. Haiz...


I have check the work vacancy in certain countries. Well, it look attempting to go but i am not sure if i can make it through. hmmm Still deciding if i should go or not... I am planning too when is the best time to go if i decided to go....

Can't sleep again. At last i cry myself out n soon after that i was sound asleep. But i am still feeling sleepy....


What was i crying for? Crying simply because ppl hurt, dissapoint , etc me again n again, Haiz....Too many chances given and still the same. It is time to get away from all this now. I am thinking that i should look for work oversea. It is better to get away from all the ppl i know for now....I cant stand on my own now as i keep being hurt n dissapointed again n again. hmmm I think i should do that. For a start maybe look where is the best country to work. hmmm I heard Dubai is a gd place.... hmmm

Got the following from someone that i do not know.....But it is worth it to read n share....



One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.


He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.


A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.


As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!


Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.


Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less

NOW --------

Enough of that . . .


The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.


MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:


When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

Something for sharing.....


Pernah satu ketika seorang sahabat Rasulullah saw, Ibnu Mas'ud didatangi oleh seorang lelaki yang raut wajahnya murung (berduka).


Lalu lelaki itu berkata: "Wahai Ibnu Mas'ud, berikanlah kepadaku satu nasihat yang dapatku jadikan sebagai penawar untuk hatiku yang gelisah ini. Sejak akhir-akhir ini, perasaanku tidak begitu tenteram, jiwaku sentiasa gelisah, fikiranku juga selalu kusut, aku tidak selera hendak makan, tidurku pun tidak lena."


Mendengar itu Ibnu Mas'ud terus berkata: "Sekiranya itulah penyakit yang menimpa jiwamu, maka hendaklah kamu bawa hatimu mengunjungi tiga tempat iaitu , tempat orang membaca al Quran sama ada kamu membacanya atau kamu mendengarnya. Kedua, majlis pengajian yang mengingatkan hatimu kepada Allah dan ketiga, carilah tempat dan waktu yang sesuai supaya kamu dapat beribadat kepada Allah SWT dengan khusyuk dan tulus ikhlas."


Sebenarnya segala-galanya berbalik pada hati kita ini .... sebab itu kita perlu banyak berdoa agar hati kita sentiasa dekat dengan Allah SWT.


Hanya dengan doa barulah kita boleh khusyuk dan cubalah amalkan doa ini yang mafhumnya: "Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku , sesungguhnya aku berlindung dengan-Mu daripada hati yang tidak khusyuk, dan doa yang tidak didengari, dan daripada nafsu yang tidak puas serta ilmu yang tidak bermanfaat. Aku berlindung dengan-Mu daripada empat perkara itu."

I am feeling so so tired n sleepy. Yeah my body feelings tired easily. Due to less sleep n rest. Due to stressness also. Haiz....


Class was as usual on Saturday. Ct1 could not make up for it. So i went there alone. Learn to make a necklace. Will took pitures of all my masterpiece of these days n posted up in here. Maybe anyone of you wants to order. :) hehehehe Then continue the class of intermediate which start next week for another 4 weeks. Will keep continuing the class now. I like it n it makes me have a new hobby now. :)


Little Aeishah is a bit grumpy on Saturday. She still having her flu. She do play around with us for a while before her grumpiness came. :) She will be 1 year old on 26 September and we all still have not decided what to give her as we keep buying her new clothes n toys. :) She get full attention from all of us....


Sunday was spend with my 3 siblings at Snow City. We have so much fun playing the slides n throwing snow at each other. The event was organised by RC in Jurong. We get to know about this after my mum's colleague inform this to his department. We went out of the house at 9.30am n head straight to Jurong East. We reached a bit early n had breakfast at Macdonald. Then walked a few minutes to the centre where we met the other participants. Four of us were put in the red group. At the end of the day our group won a few races n we win some souvenir. Farij n me win some lucky draw. I get a bowl of claypot while Farij get a bottle of Potpourri. We end at about 2.30pm which after that we went window shopping at Jurong before having Lunch at Delifrance. After Lunch, we head straight to home. All of us sleep in the train because too tired. Reached home nearly at 4.30pm. After 5.30pm, 4 of us fall asleep again. I continue to do my bracelet at night. Then had a conversation with my gf before went to sleep at 12.00am.

My body is aching lately. Too stressful n tired i guess... Haiz....Hope to catch up with my sleep soon or have a good resting somewhere or at home. Been having difficulties in sleeping lately. I think it been 2 weeks now. Haiz.....


My parents will be going to Malaysia during the weekends. They will be going today's evening. My long-distance cousin is getting engaged tomorrow. I have class tomorrow and thats why did not go. Furthermore, me n my 3 siblings will be going to Snow City this Sunday. :) I hope to get a good relaxing on that day....


Will go to my school today to take my result. I think i only pass 2 subjects among 6 of them. Haiz....Will retake some of them by end of the year again.....

Still felling so sleepy. Can't sleep well again yesterday. Haiz...


Went out of the office at nearly 7pm yesterday. Had Mee goreng for Dinner. Then read magazines that my sista have buy. Watch TV till 11.00pm.

Will be going to ChinaTown with my colleague today to buy the beads for my bracelet, necklace n etc. hmmm Must start thinking of the colours to buy....

I am feeling so so tired n sleepy.....


Went home about 8pm from office. A last minute work has to finish up. In the end my Laptop hang half way n i give up. Luckily most of them have finish. Just need a few check up. Will ask Mr Loh to do the checking before sending to the customer...Theres more to be done.... Have to do them all today. Haiz....


Had a simple farewell for one of the colleague here. Darren Tay or known as Dtay. We had finger food that is from Macdonald. And that is my dinner too. By the time i went home, i was too tired to eat. Thought of sleeping a bit early but have to do some house work that is folding the clothes. Then He wants to talk to me. Had a simple conversation although the same topic still came out again n again. Haiz...


School call at last yesterday to inform that the result for the projects is out. Have to wait so long for the results. Will be going there on Friday with Ct1.