Sleep around 3am this morning. Was on the net getting some information for my project n of course download some songs at MIRC. Manage to get some only. Will look out for more later on.
Really piss off today. My mum starts nagging again. This time around dont quite understand for wat n why she nags today. Everyone in the house gets the nagging from her. Too bad only 4 of us get it. My 3rd brother was not at home n he is lucky to have been escape. Don't understand why she nags a lot these days. Piss me off man. She will keep on blaming me for nothing at times. I been ignoring all these all these while but at times it makes me so damn piss off. Why must i be the one that she let go her frustration. When i say back told her truth she will say i show no respect by answering her back. Haiz....At times i dont know what to do. Just keep quite and at times i cry.....Hurts a lot......
Will just spend time at home. Maybe will be going out to Bedok Central to buy some stuffs. Saw sales there yesterday. Might gong there again to buy some stuffs which are good bargain. At least it will forgets my problems. Maybe will get some Mee Goreng too. Craving for it since yesterday....

Tiring day for me today. Did not go for class today. No mood n tired.....
My mum were at home n she nags a lot........ Really can't stand that so decided to go out early. Went for some window shopping around bedok. Then make arrangment to met Herda at Bugis....Had slight meal at BK before meeting Mutiara. Then we wait for Moshee n had some food at Zam Zam. Was looking forward to eat mee goreng but the man say that it will took 1/2 hr to prepare. Decided to skip that. So all i have is Murtabak. Then Herda & Mutiara went for Syarahan. Left me n Moshee waiting for Ernie. While waiting, we walked around the Arab street. Nice area i can say.... :)
Then head to Sofra to have some snack with Ernie & Moshee. We part from there as i headed home while both of them decided to watch movie.
Met my old gf. Manage to catch up the latest news & gossips with her. hehehehehehehe When saw her reminds me of my sec n ite life.......Miss it so much....

Got this phrase through sms. Decided to share with all of you......Contains a lot of meaning....

Interrogation has replace the trust we had. Your misguidance accusation helping me to turn back. I know that i would never wanna be the one that make u reminded. I would never wanna be the one that make you deny it. I would never wanna be the one that make you regret it. I would never wanna be, never wanna be...

Here intention we pretending not to show. Having face the motivation that i had not long ago. I know that i would never wanna be the one that make you forget it. I would never wanna be the one that make you risk for it. I would never wanna be the one that make you regret it. I would never wanna be, never wanna be...

I thought that we would find our way. I thought that our life would be ok. I thought that you believe in me. But now it seems so far away. The life we knew before is gone. There's no compromises. The life you say will be alone to find your inner senses. Its Like beginning of the end that i dont know where we lost control. It's like beginning of the end that i know that i am all alone.

Feeling so sleepyyy...........I can't sleep yesterday. Don't know why......I think i will take an Urgent Leave tomorrow. So that i can spent my day tomorrow sleeping maybe. Might be going to my aunt's place. I miss her so much already. Had to met her already. Yeah i think i should take Urgent Leave tomorrow and go to her house....Hmmm Will see how things later.....
Suppose to met my 2 gfs but was cancel last minute due to 1 of them sick. And at last minute plan meeting my best friend, Azli. Met him at Raffles place after maghrib. Had Dinner at BK again. (Yesterday was BK day. Lunch having BK then Dinner too) Sampai org kata muka pun dah macam muka burger. Then we just hang around near the river near the Masjid there. It is a good thing as i need the Sea air once in a while. Spent the time there chatting all the way to 10pm. Talked a lot of stuffs follow up with a lot of things. But still feels a bit of hurt when theres a few times, he say that the place n etc reminds him of his ex-gf. Haiz.....Maybe thats the reasons why i always say no when he ask me out. I know these things will surely happens. But saying yes yesterday because i need someone to accompany me. Need someone just be there......
Will having a class today. New lesson will start. Hopes does not bored me again...
There a lot of things need to clear ASAP by today if possible. Too many things but dont know where to start.....

Finally get to eat my Lunch. Still half way eating while typing in here. Too many things to follow up. As usual get so many blame n etc....
Ct2 went to met her friend and they are having BK. So i ask her to buy me food from there. Memandangkan asik Macdonald aje kat sini. hehehehehhee As usual i have my Chicken Sandwich with Onion Rings & Barley. Should have asked her to buy me the pie also. Next time then. :)
Work is so stressful. So much work to follow up....But still trying to do them slowly.....

Very very tired today. Thought having going to library will get me a fresh air after staying at home the whole day yesterday but it did not help much. I can't find what i want at the library. Really makes me angry and at the same time stressful. I thought with the help of the notes can help to do my project but still it did not. Haiz...Looks like need to ask my friends for help then. Went home early today as my head still hurts a bit just now. Everyone can see my sick face.
Will sleep soon. Will start work tomorrow. If i am still not ok, will ask for half day. Worst still will ask for Urgent leave if i am not ok tomorrow morning....

Feeling a bit better today....Will be having my class later...Will be going to Library soon to get some notes for the project...

Not feeling well today. Decided to take MC. Got 2 days of MC....I have a very bad headache since last few days. But yesterday was worst. The doctor say that i am having a " Tension Headache". Too much work n a lot of stuffs that i am rushing, that is my project. Haiz....
Hope to get better by tomorrow.....

Got the following phrase from a good friend. :)

The future lies before you.
Like paths of pure white snow,
be careful how you tread it for every step will show.

A life spent making mistakes is not only honourable
but more useful then a life spent doing nothing.

Still feeling so sleepy...Will have a short sleep later on.
Yesterday manage to wake up at 9am. Reached there on time at 11am. Met up the girls and run through all the printed slides. Practice our presentation for a few rounds. Then had Lunch at Komalas. Start school at 2pm. Realise that my group is the only group that finish up the project. We managed to present it too. Feels relieved that the 1st project is done. Need a few more amends before can submit it. One is done left 3 more to go. Will hand another one this coming Saturday.
Met Herda & Moshee after the class. Had some food at Banquet. We hang around spending the remaining afternoon talking and looking around our surrounding. Then we had Macdonald's Ice-cream and small kids kept looking at us. I think they are jealous that we get to eat Ice-cream. hahahahahahhahahahaha Most of the kids are really cute. Wish that they are mine. hehehehehheehe
Sleep quite early yesterday. I think around 8pm i am sound asleep. But as usual i did not have quite a good sleep. Wake a few times in between my sleep. Then woke around 9am this morning. Wish i could longer.....Nevermind that will try to have some sleep later. :)

At last i am done with my projects. I manage to print out everything. Now i am so sleepy......I need a gd sleep now. Hope i did not overslept later.........

2am and i have not sleep yet.....My project have not finish. My laptop making problems. Luckily my brother, Jaya is home on time. If not i will not have sleep till morning i guess. Suppose to go work tomorrow but last minute they told me not to. Will met my other classmates at 11am to have our last discussion before our presentation at 2pm. Now i have to log in using my home PC and print out all my documents for submission.

My mood still not so good. Dont know what to say about myself now. A few people realise the changes in me now.
Haiz......
Just hope things are better soon.

Selamat Tahun Baru Muharram

Haiz.....

So bored..............................
Don't understand why life seems so difficult lately.
People tend not to understand the situation that i am facing right now.
Slowly a lot of people are drifting away from me.
I am sorry if i hurts anyone but i need some time alone when bad things happens....
Haiz....

Things are not still good for me today. Yesterday was so bad that me explode at the office. A lot of them shock to see me in that situation. Even now my mood not good. Still BINGIT!!! Damn for all of them who makes me really piss off.

Got this from Thots....


1. You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you feel irresistable is creative, never let you feel bored.

3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is stylish.

4. You don't like it when your partner is insecure.

5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your partner is that both of you can talk about everything and anything, no secret is kept.

6. You care about the society and morality, you won't do anything wrong after marriage.

7. You are quite pessimistic, you don't think happy marriages exist anymore nowadays.

8. At this moment, you think of love as a committment for both parties.

Feeling a bit sleepy as i sleep late yesterday.
Did not went to class yesterday but instead meet Ct1 to discuss our project further. We had our Dinner at China Square Banquet then do our project there. Went home around 9pm.
Talked to a few ppl yesterday. One of them at MSN. Manage to know & confessed the truth with Him. Kind of funny talking about it. As it involves feelings towards each other. :) :) :) Well just see if things are meant to be.
Then at night talked to a new guy i get to know. Happens to be he is one of our Company's Customer. Well kind of funny to think back. Get to know a guy from this way. Some ppl i knew is through the net. We talked a few topics till he brought up the matter of relationship. Asking me why i am not attached. Do girls of my age should be attached now? He kind of shock that i am still single and not looking of course. Well, i try not to look for one yet. If there is someone out there for me then let it go with the flow. Will just treat everyone equal at the moment. No speciality yet for anyone. Things are not so good on my side and i dont want to add more things for now. I even ask if this i want my life to be or how should it be. I still not sure at times but i think i know wat i am doing n facing right now. I even told myself that whoever proposed me, i might take him without thinking a lot. Well it all depends. Will not say more for now.....
Things are still not good at home. My sister did not help out this morning in the kitchen. My mum did not say anything at all. I piss off and nag at her and all i get is nagging back from my mum. Isn't that really unfair. She really cover her totally. I really dont understand what i have done that makes her to be unfair to me. It hurts a lot. I have do a lot of things especially the things that she want it be but this is what i get. Just hope things getting better soon...........
Will be meeting my dear dear friends tonight. It been a while when we all last met up. I will have a good time with them of course. That is what i needs now......................

Reach home around 10pm. Had a group discussion with 3 classmates. We sit at the Macdonald near the school. Too many things n so little time. Need to submit & present 1st project this Saturday. Left another few moew days and the work still not yet done. Still 1/3 are done. Haiz....Just hope things getting better soon. Have to finish them up by Thursday.
Yesterday was so piss off. With feeling tired i was told to do the housework despite explaining Mum to do tomorrow. She insist to be done yesterday. My sister, Maimunah, went home late n she never say or ask anything. But for me, she will ask a lot of things. Why must she be unfair to me? Even on Sunday, My sister can go out till late night. But for me she will nag a lot. She even make me feels bad too. What have i done to make her feel unfair to me? I just dont understand it at times. I try not to do things that she doesnt like but still she never saw that. She nag, scold & blame me a lot. Just don't understand it......
I hate this situations. Sometimes i wish i can am away from all this. Haiz....

I think i have hurt someone feelings. hmmm I dont know whether i do it purposely it or not. But i think i did not do it purposely. It is just me that seems so forgetful. Too much things and don't know what to do at times....
Haiz...

Sleep at 3am this morning. I was doing my project & my work.....Now still feeling sleepy n tired. Will have to continue doing my stuffs lateer on. Now trying to get as much information from the net. So many things & so little time....
Haiz...

Sleep early yesterday. I think i sleep around 8pm. Too sleepy. Had my Dinner and after 1/2 hr, i was sound alseep. :) Too tired. A good sleep i can say. But i wish i could sleep longer this morning.
I am at my sister's house at Tampines. Forgets to bring my Digital Camera and my dad forgets to bring his Video Camare too. All of us are excited to come here to met Aeishah. Get to know that Aeishah can sit in the walker. She looks so happy to be able to sit there. :)
Will be going to my aunt's place for Engagement later. My brother, Zaki just came back from school. Looks like my mum will be going there 1st. We will wait for my brother n sister to get ready.

No good mood today. A lot of things happens since yesterday.
Went for my 1st Thursday class yesterday nite. Miss out 1 lesson and miss out a lot of things. We have to do 4 different projects. 2 of them have to submit by 13 March 2004. 1 of them submit next week, 21/3/04 and other 1 is on the 28/2/04. This news is so damn shock for me. Just miss 1 lesson and now this is what i get for missing the class. Luckily my group mates have done 1/3 of the project. Will be quite busy for the next few weeks. Looks like extra work on weekends.
Work is getting bored for me here. Some of the ppl here piss me off. All they know is order things around. Give me last minute things n need them ASAP. Hate to be in that situation. They keep bugging n disturbing me while doing other stuff.
Then normal complain from customers. Luckily i still can control my anger n mood. If not, i should have talked rudely to them. Needs a lot of patience...........But still sometimes it piss u off so badly.
My weekends will be busy doing projects and work. Hopefully things will be okies....

Reach the office a bit late. Have to change bus when we all reach Kembangan. The tire bust. Luckily nothing bad happens along the way....
Something happens yesterday.....I just dont know why did i do that and why am i just giving in.........Haiz....
I hate myself!!! I always giving in to ppl but in the end hurts is all i get....I try to be strong and face things but still i end up losing & failer......A lot of ppl call yesterday n i just ignore them. Did not reply any of the sms or calls. Kind of shock for myself to do that. Firstly i was outside the house and reach home nearly 12 midnight. Haiz.........
I just confused with what happens...Thought of talking about it but i am still in confused situation. I am not being myself yesterday & today too.....I guess. Arghhh
What is happening to me......
..................

Feeling so sleepyyyyyyyy.........I need a good sleep. Sleep late yesterday. Quite late.....Was chatting on the phone with a gd friend...I think the conversation last till 3.30 this morning. Now my eyes are so sleepy.....
I think my Mum & Sister having arguments yesterday nights. When i reached home, both shows irritating faces. And both of them are doing the folding of the clothes. I presume my sister don't want to do that and my mum scold her for it.....Then this morning both kind of in bad mood. And the help out around the Kitchen was not quite good. :(
I dont know when i will start using my new no.....And i still don't know when to cancel this old no......Too many memories of this no but still.......Haiz.....

MSN is down.....Went for Blog hopping before going my Lunch later. Manage to get these quizzes from Ayshy....


You are a Kitten. You represent the Friendly part
of the world. You're always trying to make
people happy and seeing a smile on someone's
face will make your day. You avoid hurting
someone as much as possible because you know
it's the right thing to do.


What Animal Represents You?
brought to you by Quizilla



What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla



Sandals- peaceful, daydreamy, and thoughtful, you
often find yourself staring into space. When
you aren't out volunteering you are often just
dreaming away. You enjoy the company of
friends sometimes but enjoy peace and quiet.


What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Feeling a bit sleepy. I did sleep a bit early than previous nites but still sleepy....Now i am regretted to wear this contact lens. Should just wear my specs instead.
A lot of things need to settle ASAP. I try to finish up some yesterday but too much things need to follow up. Hopefully most of them are done today.

I am feeling a bit happy......Can't stop smiling since yesterday. An old guy friend call me. So shock to receive a call from him. It been quite a while. Last we talk is last year in May or June i guess. He is a nice guy that i have a crash on him that time. So nice of him to call back. Can't help smiling yesterday n now too. hehehehehe Luckily i have not change my number or we will not be able to talk yesterday. :)
Then continue talking to a friend to late nite. hehehehehe Couldn't believe i am talking to him till late nite again. Talking about all the secrets that were meant not to talk.
Receive a good news from my 2nd brother, Zaidi that his wife is pregnant. :) :) :) So happy to hear the news this morning. InsyALLAH everything will be ok for my sis-in-law. Will have another niece.....

Farij is ok now. Now there is a patch on his head. He is active person thats y he dont feel the pain so much.....
Not feeling well still today. Yesterday was worst. Having a stomachache. They called it "Segugut". Nearly could not wake up the whole of yesterday. It hurts so much that i cry out. Too painful. Although i am in pain, people in this house doesn't care at all. I still have to do the housework no matter wat. With feeling of painful, i forced myself to do watever i can. After so much pain n tired, i get to sleep for a few hours in the late evening. Now it still a bit pain. Effect my arm now. Haiz.... Too much sickness. I guess thats y they doesnt care at all. Too much trouble for them maybe.... :( Sometimes i am wondering why all these have to happens but still............. :( :( :(
Might be taking MC tomorrow. If the pain is still here i think i better see a doctor tomorrow......
Miss my aunt so much now.........Have to met her soon............But dont know when........
Miss my cousin, Nazrul too but....................
Haiz.............. :( :( :(

My body is aching....Feeling so tired.......Sleep late yesterday......
Farij was sent to Hospital yesterday....He hurt his head. Someone accidently throw the shot put ball. It hit his head. Today he go to School although he have an MC. Terlalu DEGIL. My brothers all came to the house to see him and advise him not to go but he still wanna go. Just hope everything go wells for him there....

Received this through email......Kind of describing myself.....


A Lonely Heart

A lonely heart yearning,
What for? Not indeed a partner
Through a lonely hearts’ column,
Would that it were as simple.

This heart seeks light,
Unlike any other light -
One that blazes forth like a signal
From those who have already found it.

This heart seeks peace, from the suffering …
…of greed
…of hatred
…of anger.

This heart embraces the pain …
…of taqwa
…of repentance
…of joy.

This heart is one which spirals
Down, and down - further and further,
In a freefall as though it is doomed
To smash upon the ground
In a million fragments…yet…
At times this heart seems to
Sprout wings
Fly
Soar
Like a bird,
Rising, and rising -
Attempting to reach the light,
The light upon light,
Of the One who created it,
On a day of no escape,
A day of unimaginable joy
And unimaginable pain.

Still feeling so sleeping.....Wish could sleep longer...Thought of taking an MC but decide not to. Today will having a Chinese New Year LUNCH with the whole staff here. Will be going to some Chinese Restaurant but they will cater a Halal Food just for me & Ct2. Will be eating a lot then. I remember last year was so much that i nearly could not finish them all.....
Hope nothing much work for today.....Been very relaxing these few days. Not much work to be done.... :)

Got this from someone. Kind of good story to share.....Sorry for those who don't understand Malay.....


Seorang wanita dan kekasihnya bernikah dan acara pernikahannya sungguh megah. Semua kawan-kawan dan keluarga mereka hadir menyaksikan dan menikmati hari yang berbahagia tersebut. Suatu acara yang luar biasa dan sungguh mengesankan. Mempelai wanita begitu cantik dan anggun dalam gaun putihnya dan pengantin lelaki dengan tuxedo hitam yang gagah. Setiap pasang mata yang memandang setuju mengatakan bahawa mereka sungguh-sungguh saling menyintai dan sepadan.
Beberapa bulan kemudian, si suami berkata kepada isterinya:

"Sayang, abang baru membaca sebuah artikel dalam majalah tentang bagaimana memperkuatkan hubungan dan tali pernikahan kita", katanya sambil menunjukkan majalah tersebut. "Masing-masing kita akan mencatatkan hal-hal yang kurang kita sukai dari pasangan kita.
Kemudian, kita akan membahas bagaimana kita mengubah hal-hal tersebut dan membuatkan perkahwinan kita bersama lebih bahagia ...".

Isterinya setuju dan mereka mula memikirkan hal-hal dari pasangannya yang tidak mereka sukai dan berjanji tidak akan tersinggung ketika pasangannya mencatat hal-hal yang kurang baik kerana ia adalah untuk kebaikan mereka bersama. Malam itu mereka sepakat untuk berpisah tidur dan mencatat apa yang terlintas dalam benak mereka masing-masing.

Esok pagi ketika sarapan, mereka sedia membincangkannya. "Abang akan mulai dulu ya", kata
suami. Ia lalu mengeluarkan senarainya. Banyak sekali yang ditulisnya, sekitar 2 muka surat ...
Ketika ia mulai membacakan satu persatu hal yang tidak dia sukai mengenai diri isterinya, ia memperhatikan bahawa airmata isterinya mulai mengalir ...

"Maaf, apakah abang harus berhenti ?" tanyanya.
"Oh tidak, teruskan ..." jawab isterinya.

Lalu si suami melanjutkan membacakan semua yang tersenarai, lalu kembali melipat kertasnya dengan manis di atas meja dan berkata dengan bahagia, "Sekarang giliran sayang pula membacakan senaraimu".

Dengan suara perlahan isterinya berkata,
"Aku tidak mencatat sesuatupun di atas kertasku. Aku berfikir bahawa abang sudah sempurna, dan aku tidak ingin mengubah akan dirimu. Abang adalah dirimu sendiri. Abang kacak dan baik di sisiku. Tiada satupun daripada peribadimu yang kudapati kurang ..."

Si suami tersentak dan tersentuh hatinya oleh pernyataan dan ungkapan cinta serta isi hati isterinya ... bahawa isterinya menerima dirinya seadanya.

Dia kemudian tertunduk dan menangis ...



P/s: Sebelum kita mencari kekurangan orang lain, carilah kekurangan diri sendiri. Adakah kita cukup
SEMPURNA untuk dibandingkan dengan orang lain?...
Kalau jawapan nya YA, maka kita berbohong atau kita PERASAN.

Kerana tiada manusia yang SEMPURNA dalam dunia ini dan sentiasa ada yang perlu diperbaiki...
wallahualam

"Hakikatnya orang-orang yang menyayangi diri kita kerana kelebihan kita dan menerima segala kelemahan kita, sudah pastilah orang ini adalah sangat ikhlas menyayangi diri kita... INSYA ALLAH."

Still feeling sleepy. Talked to a few people yesterday. Quite interesting for a few of them.....
There's a few questions that makes me think. He ask if i am ready to have a commitment now or soon? Well, i never think of that but it make me think yesterday... But still i could not get the answer as i couldn't find it. I think i am happy as what i am now. I am still a few things that i need to achieve. Maybe after all the achievements i will think of all. InsyALLAH.....
Class was good yesterday. My 2 gfs still did not turn up for the class. Have to understand them as they are pregnant now. :) But the class was a bit irritating. The teacher is teaching but some of them are talking. Really no manners at all. Later they will complain that they do not understand or the teacher are not doing their part teaching. Haiz dont really understand these type of people.
Got my results yesterday. Not so good as i predict. Manage only to pass 2 out of 5 Subjects that i took. I have to do something about this or i will be draging myself to this course till end of the year. Will start planning for my study soon. Will apply new examination dates by next week.

My whole body is aching today. Did not have a good sleep yesterday...I feels tired and wish could sleep longer....
Nearly told myself to take an MC but dont feel like going. Haiz....Just hope i am getting better later.....If not, will take last minute leave n go home....
My mood also not so good......There is frustration, annoying & lots more.......I hate to be in this situation as it makes me more sick. Haiz.......

Manage to downlaod a few songs to my new handphone. All using M1 services. Will start using the new line soon. Meanwhile will still use the old line as it has not expired yet. Mum too laxy to cook. We all heavy Breakfast that is Lontong. Will just fry some rice later......
Meanwhile will play around with my new Hp.... :)

Having headache now.......Maybe due to stand on the hot sun too long. Will eat panadol later n sleep for a while.
Manage to change my hp 8250 to 3200. This hp comes with the camera n radio too. Share the same model with Maimunah. :) Will start using the new line ASAP. Meanwhile will use the old line.
No one comes accept the 2 brothers. The other 2 guy is helping out at the "Masjid" for the Kurban.
Feels so bored for this raya as i only stick at home. No visiting. But at least can have a good relaxing at home. :)