I am feeling so so down today. Haiz....


He sms me again yesterday. We even talked after 2 weeks of silence. Half of me was so happy & half of me feeling hurt remembering what had happen between us. Try to forget the past between us but it seems hard. Things have happens no matter what.


Things were completely good in the 1st two months. It went smoothly between us, No major issue at all. We even decide to met each other family by end of this year.


Then came the topic of he wanting to work oversea for at least 2 year or more. I can't accept that. I don't want him to go far from me. The argument went on & on for nearly a month. There were no agreement on both parties. Then he decided that he only go for 2 years. There will be break in between. He would not go 2 years straight but instead at least 6 months each time. Still i can't accept that but after asking for opinions, i open up myself to accept the fact what he wants. This is one of his wishes that he wants to achieve. I told myself at least he did something to settle the problems. So i told him that i agree.


Things were not the same after that. He began to ignore me. He would not do his usual stuffs like sms me or even call me in 1 day. I was really piss off with him. Most of our conversation will end with arguments. He gave reasons that he is busy with work. So i told if he really busy then just sms or call me at the end of the day which is before he went to sleep. He still did not do that. He ignore me most of the time. This again make me really furious. Again most of our conversation ends with argument. Yes most of it i started 1st but i am annoyed that he did not do what i asked for.....Maybe i am too demanding but that is the least things i need him to understand. I did not meet him always, all the time is once in 2 weeks or once in 1 month. So i dont see why he can't do that only for me. I never disturb him during the day as i know he will be very busy. So i wait for him to sms or call me at night. Sometimes i will just call or sms him if i cant wait.


Then came another request. He says that he might need to go to pubs & disko cause he have to bring his clients that. Again i am so shocked that makes me really mad. What is his thinking? Didn't he knows that place is not a good place? I dislike ppl who go there. Yesh if happens my friends go there, i wouldn't say much to that person. I will just say it off straight that i don't like. I asked him which is important me or his clients. If his clients are more important then go ahead do what ever he wants without me in his life. If i am inportant to him, then forget about going such places. I may mean to ask him to do that but i think as a muslim he should know better.


The arguments keep draging n draging for weeks till i can't take it anymore. I told him off that we should spilt as things are not working out between us. And he agreed. So we were spilt right away. But he still sms me after a few days that he is sorry. I told him that no matter what i cant accept his request. If he still think he needs that then dont bother to look for me again. He told me that 40 - 50 % of the reques is just a lie to test me out. What the heck he is trying to do? What is all that for? I just couldn't believe when he says that. I accept him back again hoping things are better now.


Still not ok after that. He did not call or sms me for nearly 2 days. I was really mad at him again. When i call him, all he says that he was waiting for me to call him. I sms him but no reply. I did call him too n he did not answer. So what is he waiting for actually. Haiz...After hearing me really mad, he ask to calm down and says that we are only friends now so it is not a must for him to call or sms. I was totally shocked that i cry all night. I can't accept when he says that. I totally don't understand him at all. Haiz...


I keep myself far from him. I dont sms him or call him after that. Although i am hurt n sad, my feelings towards him still the same. I hate myself to be in this state. Why must i have the same feelings towards him after what had happens. Perhaps love is blind.


He did sms me after that. Even yesterday. We talked and i told him again what i dont like n what is required for him to do. If he still i am too demanding then go away from him. He admit that he miss me so much n still loves me. I told him that no matter how much he miz or luv me, he have to change his lifestyle. He have to accept that he now have a gf who needs attention not just have a gf n not ignore her just like that.


He just sms me to wish me good morning. I dont know how things now. Just see what is his next move. I just lead my usual life as normal without him. Not hoping much from me anymore......