Sleep late again. Talk to my cousin, Nazrul yesterday night. We talked for an hour. Catch up with whatever things that we been missing out. We did talked the past of what happens between us. Haiz....Still remember those days. It is still fresh. Now i know why most of our childhood pictures were always together. Almost all the pictures taken last time show me n him together. We are always beside each other when taking photos.


I guess our family used to be very close when our grandparents still around. All of us will spent time together. There was a point we were far apart of each other. I never get to met Nazrul when his family shifted to Malaysia. We met up again when our grandfather passed away. Thats where we began to get close again. But then i had a crush on him. That happens when i was 10 years old. Even our parents were quite close. Maybe due to seeing the closeness between us, parents began to get apart. Even us getting apart. We only met once a year after that. The crush was still on going though...


Then happens our aunty, MakRah began closer to his family and we finally get to keep in touch by emails. We will send emails every week and sometimes every 3 - 4 days. There were a lot of discussion, talking about family members, and also getting to know each other in the emails. Without realising anything, i began to like him n even fall in love with him. I will look forward to all his emails. Still remember that time i was in ITE. Will try my best to log in just to check his emails....


My brother, Zaki gets married and this is the time where we get really really close. Everywhere i go, he is there beside me & everywhere he go, i am there beside him. He accompany me all the whole 2 days. I did not sleep on Saturday's night as was helping my aunt with the cooking and he also help out. When he knew i did not eat the whole day on Sunday, he also did not eat. He was waiting for me so that we can have out meals together. Some of our relatives realise our closeness n some even thought we were couple. Could see that my parents dont really like it.


After the wedding, he stay at MakRah's place for a week. During that week, we talked to each other every day n even met up every day. I can still remember our 1st date. It was our 1st outing together. Only 2 of us. We used to go out in a group never in a couple. That's where we get to know that both of us have feelings towards each other. He also had a crush on me on the day we met up again which was during my grandfather passed away. By then both of us were 20 years old. It took us 10 years to know all about this. Haiz...He met me up for Lunch at my work place n even took me home....My aunty began to sense something by then. He broke the news and she was so surprise with it....


At 1st she was so encouraging n even told both of us to continue the relationship but realising what will be our family's reaction, she discourage us. Futhermore, both of us have someone at that time. He has gf n i have bf. We were told not to met up or even talked to each other. But we can't. No matter how we try, we still calling each other or even met up. Till now even my aunt do not know that we been talking to each other. We even have been meeting without anyone knows except our siblings. Although he have a gf, even i have bf along the way, our feelings towards each other is still there even till now...


Haiz...I dont know how we will end up. But both of us trying to let the feelings go away. We try to be only cousins not more than that. Just hope that we manage to do that...Like MakRah told us, Dont make things worst between our family or even hurt other ppl feelings....